Mark Morford Is a God

Okay, at least he's a god in my little world, especially when he writes articles entitled, "Attention Liberals: Please Breed." Apparently, conservative fundamentalists are producing more kids than progressive liberals are. According to this article, it's something like a 19-40% gap! Holy freakin' cow!

Believe me, I'd love to have kids...but that's kind of difficult in my present relationship state, which is in "imminent breakup" stage (see my previous blog, "What Bums Me Out.") Mark offered things like his babysitting services, a free subscription to The Chronicle, creative baby naming, free dog adoption for every "fertilized ovum," and open the "Mark Morford Camp for Luminous Toddlers." Heh.

Too bad he didn't offer the service of fathering any of these babies, because I'd sure take him up on that. Have you seen him? He's hot. And smart. And has a deadly wit. Of course, I think he has a fairly serious girlfriend, but this is such an important cause, I'm sure she'd approve of him fathering tons of babies to progressive liberal women, such as myself.

Anyway, in all seriousness...I am a bit alarmed with this statistic he's brought up, because I'm not sure I can live in a country that's controlled by fundamentalist Christians who want to tell me how to live my life. And I live the life of a law-abiding, upstanding citizen who believes in the freedom to pursue happiness. I don't see how that's possible. We have a glimpse of the future in the current Bush administration, if fundamentalist Christians get the stranglehold they want on this government. Church and state should be separate!

I could go on and on, but I won't. But I do love Mark Morford...almost as much as I love Jon Stewart. Oh, if only there were more men like these guys in the world. :)

Tags: journalism, politics, progressive, democrat, republican

What Bums Me Out

I'm afraid I'm going to have to end things with my boyfriend of almost 2 years this weekend. It's really sad, but I just don't see a future with him at all anymore, especially in light of what I found out about him last month -- he's a closeted bisexual. And unfortunately, I did not find out about it by him being honest with me and telling me. I found out quite by accident, as he lets me use his computer when I'm over at his place...and I saw in his drop-down list of URLs a bi/gay dating site.

Now, we've been having problems anyway. He's totally shut down and withdrawn from me, ever since we had a talk about our feelings for one another about 6 months ago. Of course, I told him I love him, but he told me he wasn't sure if he loved me or not because he feels he doesn't know me...because we don't talk about anything. Nice Catch-22 he set up, because he never, ever brings up anything that has to do with our relationship. It's all been on me, and nothing's ever come of it. When I ask if he wants to talk about us, he just shrugs and says everything's fine...and it's clearly not.

With this latest revelation, I now totally understand why he doesn't bring things up. When you've got a huge secret like that, it makes opening up about anything hard. I get that. And, I get that he doesn't trust me enough to confide in me about his sexuality. That's got to be one of the toughest things anyone ever has to deal with about themselves.

It's just sad, because he's almost 40. And it's for this reason I've been able to work through the resentment I felt when I found out he had been looking online for a man to hang out with. And I actually have no issues with him being bi, although I can honestly say I'm not equipped to be in a relationship with that sort of complexity. So, it's the end, I'm afraid. Sad doesn't begin to describe how I feel about it, but I have to move on, you know?

Tags: journal, dating, relationships, diary

Martinis

Okay, so, today at lunch, my little group's gloominess was so apparent, our waiter asked if we were a bunch of disgruntled coworkers. The resounding answer, "Yes!" So, he brought us free baskets of fries. Nothing quite says "comfort food" like fries.

Later on, I'm meeting a friend for dinner and drinks. She's had a bad time of it lately as well. We're both daydreaming about which martini we'll get after we eat dinner. You know it's been bad when you're daydreaming about martinis before lunch. I know it's stereotypical, but I do like Cosmos. I can't stomach the original martini...but add some fruity goodness to it, and I'm all over it. Although, they can be dangerous...so I have to watch myself.

Anyway, that's my thought for the day...which martini do I get to drown my sorrows in? Only time will tell...and that will be in about an hour. Yay for adult beverages! :)

Tags: work, employment, dining, friends, journal, diary

Fall Television

Okay, I admit it...I'm a TV addict when it comes to particular shows, such as The Office, My Name Is Earl, Grey's Anatomy, and House. Those are my first tier shows (yes, I actually have tiers) that are scheduled to record on my Tivo every week, and I will not miss them (House is my new favorite, btw). My second tier is Desperate Housewives, Lost, Scrubs, Battlestar Galactica, and Bones. Although I'm pretty sure BG will move up to first tier, if this upcoming season is as good as the last one. So yes, I am TV's bitch! And I will be frequenting TelevisionWithoutPity.com to get my weekly snarky recaps in. If you haven't visited the site, do so as soon as you can. You won't regret it if you're a TV fan like me.

Anyway, so last night was a fun night, as far as TV is concerned. I got my new seasons of The Office, My Name Is Earl, and Grey's Anatomy underway. They were all superb! Got my laughs with the two sitcoms, then I got hit square in the head with some excellent drama courtesy of GA. The writing on all of those shows is amazing, and the acting is top-notch. So, it seems Thursday nights, I will be camped out in front of my TV.

I want to watch how the relationship between Meredith Grey and "Dr. McDreamy" (Derek Shepherd) unfolds. He had an "epiphany" in last night's episode that he chose wrong last year, when he chose to stay with his wife, Addison, and that he is in love with Meredith (and told her so). Meredith will have to choose between him and Finn, a stable, unmarried man who is obviously crazy about her. I mean, he actually said, "I've thrown my hat into the ring" or something like that. And I don't see Addison backing down either, although the previews show her going to the Chief of Surgery and crying on his shoulder...so maybe I'm wrong. I dunno! Yes, it is a bit soap opera-ish, but hey...I'm only human. :)

Tags: drama, sitcoms, television, tv, Grey's Anatomy, Lost, The Office, Scrubs, My Name Is Earl

Tickle Me Elmo TMX

Oh my. I think I might have to get the new Tickle Me Elmo TMX! If you haven't seen it, click on the link in the previous sentence...you'll get to see him in action. He falls down and rolls around laughing! I really can't do it justice in writing, unfortunately. But it is safe to say, I'd love to have him around when I need a good laugh, and there's none to be had. That, and I think it would scare the bejesus out of my cats, which is always funny to see. I mean, it's a toy, not the end of the world...but it would be to them! So I'd get two forms of entertainment in one, hee. :)

Tags: toys, Christmas, Elmo

Crossing My Fingers

Okay, so I'm very, very sad about my friend leaving the company, and what it's going to do to my own workload. But considering I was in the same state of mind she was, I am happy for her because she will be happier with what she is choosing to do -- freelance! Actually, in her endeavor to freelance, she may have stumbled upon an opportunity that would benefit those of us who aren't exactly happy here anymore. One of the vendors she talked to about doing some proofreading or copyediting work said, "you're a project manager! You'd want more than just proofreading or copyediting." She agreed, but she pointed out that he does not hire freelance project managers. Apparently, this got his wheels spinning...

He mentioned he had been thinking of starting a satellite office...and apparently, with her interest in freelancing for him, he threw out the idea of starting one here (making no promises, of course). She had told him how bleak things were here, and as a result I'm sure he knows that she's not the only one who's unhappy. Now here's the part I love...she was thinking about me in all of this, how perhaps if this vendor had more than one project manager lined up, he could very well start an office here.

So now, she's just waiting to hear back from him. She gave her two weeks' notice yesterday, so I'm hoping she hears before then. If not, she promised to keep in touch with me about it. Because, I swear...I would leap at an opportunity like this. This guy's company is one of the best in the business, and is so busy he's turning down work from us. Best part is, he does not live or die by our company. He has other clients who love his work just as much. Thus, he's not going anywhere for a long time. If this works out...I would probably end up doing cartwheels down the hall here...that's how happy I would be. :)

Tags: freelancing, journal, diary, work, employment

The Salary Blues

Now, I'm not going to post what I make, nor the ranges of salary I just found out about...but suffice it to say, I'm at the low end of where I should be. I have over six years of experience, a college degree...and I'm only slightly above the starting salary of a "full" project manager. And, this is with leaving the company, getting a 5% boost (yeah, I should have held out for more), and only being offered the same salary I had left for. Suffice it to say, I have the salary blues today.

And, it's not going to get any better. With the prospect of my department being down to 3 people, when there should be 6 (and used to be 8!), I fear for my sanity. You think I'm kidding? I'm not. Last year, I snapped because I had 10 projects to manage, and they were all highly complex, high profile projects that did not go well at all. The same thing's about to happen again. I swore to my manager I wouldn't look for another job, but since she's not doing anything to stop people from leaving, nor does she seem to be doing anything about the so-called hiring freeze in our department, I wouldn't feel so bad about prospecting elsewhere again.

Tags: diary, journal

Maybe I'm Amazed

Then again, maybe I'm not. Actually, this is something that doesn't entertain me. This is something that pisses me off, and it's the department I work for in my company -- not my company mind you, but my department. About 1 1/2 years ago, I left because I got fed up with my company, and I went to another job...which did not go well at all. It was like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Anyway, about a year later, and 6 months of being unemployed, I had the chance to come back to my old company in the same job I had. They were desperate for someone with experience, and I was desperate for work. I knew that what I'd be going back to was probably worse than the situation I left, and I could deal with that and have been...so far.

What I can't deal with is what has happened since I've come back. First, someone left the department for a job in another one. When we asked about a replacement, we were told he wouldn't be replaced due to some clerical error made on an org chart, used for budgeting purposes. Fine, we'd cope and deal, just as we always have.

Then I was offered the opportunity to take on a new job, which would have been a promotion. But I was denied that chance by HR, as I had just come back...my previous years here did not count. So, someone else in my department took the job, which left another hole in the department. Would she be replaced? Yes! The search was on...the key word being, "was." We found out today that they won't be replacing her until after the first of the year. Huh? Excuse me? Apparently there's something about not hiring someone unless it's a revenue-generating job. Last time I looked, my job is integral to revenue being generated. I manage the process for producing the product that generates revenue, for crying out loud! There's also the fact that there seemed to be no interest, not even from the outside world, for this job. Not good.

And now, one of the other people in my department is leaving to freelance for our vendors. This has not been announced yet, but it's going to happen. That will leave 4 people to do the job of what had been a department of 7 people. And given my manager couldn't find anyone she liked for the last job that opened up, I doubt she'll be able to find two...and even if she did, she probably wouldn't be able to fill one of them because no one in their right mind wants this job (yes, I am crazy, I think).

I'm already at my wit's end, and I'm probably going to get at least one of the big titles she'll leave behind...which actually used to be mine. Funny how things go full-circle sometimes. The only bright side to this is, I'll probably be promoted to fill her role as a senior member of the department. It'll mean a pay raise...not a huge one, but a raise nonetheless. Perhaps that will be something to keep me sane? We'll see.

Tags: diary, journal

I Hate Political Ads

I know hate is a strong word, but I really do hate political ads. We are bombarded with them from now until Nov. 7. You can't get away from them, unless you have Tivo, which I do (hooray for me!). I live in Ohio, and I don't think I have to tell anyone how bitter the fight between Mike Dewine (Republican) and Sherrod Brown (Democrat) is for the Senate seat. For the first time in a long time, we might actually have a Democrat in the Senate. That would be sweet, from my point of view.

And then there's the governor's race between Ken Blackwell (Republican), who I would never vote for in a million years, and Ted Strickland (Democrat). Right now, it looks like Strickland might win (hooray again!). But with the mud slinging that's going on, who knows?

All I know is that my Tivo remote might get worn out from fast forwarding through as many political ads as I can, and not just the ones attacking the candidates I favor. There's only so much negative ad campaigning I can take, and this year is going to be one of the worst in recent history, according to many commentators. It's going to be a long 8 weeks, I think. Heaven help us all.

My Path to Fitness

Well, today I visit my personal trainer for the first time. I'm both scared and excited -- scared because I know they're going to work my ass off...literally, I hope. And that's the part that also has me excited. I'm really looking forward to being fit again. I just hope that visiting this place 2x a week for 18 weeks will get me where I want to be, or close to where I want to be.

I'm going to have a talk with them about the diet, however. I honestly tried to eat raw vegetables for 2 of my snacks and one of my meals for a few days this past weekend...but I just can't stomach them. The thought of eating that many raw veggies made me sick to my stomach. And actually, I WAS sick to my stomach. I like most vegetables, just not raw. And I know they're going to tell me it's okay to eat them with just a touch of dressing, but that's added fat I can't tolerate with my gall bladder problems. I have to stick to low-fat snacks.

So, I'm going to propose that I cut out refined sugar, but incorporate some low-glycemic fruits into my diet. Basically, it's the Sugar-Busters diet I followed for a bit, which did allow me to lose some weight. It still allows me to have fruit and grains, just not refined sugar. It also allows low-fat dairy for when I can't even think of looking at meat, which happens to me frequently. Eating protein and "healthy" carbs in combination is fairly easy for me to do, and it does work. I'm more likely to stick to this diet than what they have proposed, which is a low-carb diet with NO dairy or any sugar of any kind. I'm sure I'll get told I won't see results as quickly, but that's okay.

Oh, and there's no news about my grandfather...I just hope he's comfortable, and that if this is his time, it comes sooner rather than later (as I've said before).

More later...I'm sure I'll have a nice entry tomorrow...that's if I can type!